in moderation

I'm still seeking answers to questions I cannot yet solve. In a short time, so much has happened and so much in my life has changed to where I no longer know a right direction. Finding myself...finding motivation to keep going...to keep living...to keep hope though I know the ultimate destination. I miss my grandfather deeply. So much so that I keep my bottled up emotions inside just to have them rupture out when I am weak. I am no longer the rock to my family that I once portrayed. How do I regroup from falling completely apart? I don't know what yet...but in December all be made clearer.

Try theses tears from a broken heart
You will never stop once you start

dream

My past comes back to haunt me. Choices I made come back bringing uncertainty. I had a dream I went back to high school and tried to finish my high school diploma. It seemed weird because it seemed I kept trying ,but was held back from my full potential. Also, I had a dream about my grandfather. Tomorrow will be two months since he has passed away and each day becomes harder and harder. I lost a very special man in my life who through all my faults and wayward outcomes still loved me and supported no matter what I did. His strength is what gave me faith that I could accomplish anything in life. My heart just grows weak and lost without him here. I miss him dearly.

I am so sick and fucking tired of dealing with everything. Where is my break in life? When do I have time to grieve...to wonder..to experience the younger years of my life. I'm tired of helping other people so much that I don't help myself. I am not a handicapped for other people to use as an excuse to succeed in their life, when they can damn well help themselves. Ahhh...how soothing it is to vent. Damn this all to hell...i'm going to start thinking about me : )

Dry aways those tears he said
No more sorrow comes from the past
You will make your future beautiful
And be happy at last

No more broken promises
The world will give you all
My helping light will guide you
And you shall never again fall

Wig in a Box

A bright new day brings a promise of a beautiful tomorrow. I have lost, loved, and rekindled both flames with friends and love. Some people you grow up with and think forever are never really forever and are gone with the slight of a deceiving thought and those you think who wouldn't be there for you are there for you in a heartbeat. So here's a drink, to one more life lesson learned. Also, I have come to terms that I am no longer going to be able to be helped with school and need to be more self sufficient. With this, My mother and I are not on good speaking terms, so just moving on day by day, one step at a time.

,,,,,,,

I try to say goodbye and I choke..try to walk away but I stumble.................

To Come a Better Day

So many a things to unbrighten this day. I have lost control over money matter only to fall more deep than I already was. I saw Sex & The City movie which gave me more hope, but I got home and fell back towards reality. Don't you hate when that happens? Anywho... yup yup off to bed.

Lonely Days Make Lonely Nights

I am having mood swings like no one else. I find myself inspired one time, only to be crushed down by the next dark thought. What comes of this madness before me wondering through this dark forest only to find over the next hill there is still no gleam of light.

Neither pride nor disappointment

I have come to the conclusion life is too short not to express it. So here I am creating the second real blog of my life. The past couple of years have taken from me my creative passions in life, one of them being writing. This is my attempt to revive that passion that once flowed through me.

...I sit here lonely only to keep company the creeping sadness that lingers in my heart. Helping others has always been a heart felt action of mine, but it seems I have control and trusting issues to where it doesn't work out so well and hurts friendships. Also, it hurts to feel you have somehow been double crossed and stabbed in the back by your actions. Who knows the outcome of what it to happen. You can only help people so much before they have to help themselves. It's just very difficult to enable some people.

-Simply Stated