in moderation

I'm still seeking answers to questions I cannot yet solve. In a short time, so much has happened and so much in my life has changed to where I no longer know a right direction. Finding myself...finding motivation to keep going...to keep living...to keep hope though I know the ultimate destination. I miss my grandfather deeply. So much so that I keep my bottled up emotions inside just to have them rupture out when I am weak. I am no longer the rock to my family that I once portrayed. How do I regroup from falling completely apart? I don't know what yet...but in December all be made clearer.

Try theses tears from a broken heart
You will never stop once you start

dream

My past comes back to haunt me. Choices I made come back bringing uncertainty. I had a dream I went back to high school and tried to finish my high school diploma. It seemed weird because it seemed I kept trying ,but was held back from my full potential. Also, I had a dream about my grandfather. Tomorrow will be two months since he has passed away and each day becomes harder and harder. I lost a very special man in my life who through all my faults and wayward outcomes still loved me and supported no matter what I did. His strength is what gave me faith that I could accomplish anything in life. My heart just grows weak and lost without him here. I miss him dearly.

I am so sick and fucking tired of dealing with everything. Where is my break in life? When do I have time to grieve...to wonder..to experience the younger years of my life. I'm tired of helping other people so much that I don't help myself. I am not a handicapped for other people to use as an excuse to succeed in their life, when they can damn well help themselves. Ahhh...how soothing it is to vent. Damn this all to hell...i'm going to start thinking about me : )

Dry aways those tears he said
No more sorrow comes from the past
You will make your future beautiful
And be happy at last

No more broken promises
The world will give you all
My helping light will guide you
And you shall never again fall

Wig in a Box

A bright new day brings a promise of a beautiful tomorrow. I have lost, loved, and rekindled both flames with friends and love. Some people you grow up with and think forever are never really forever and are gone with the slight of a deceiving thought and those you think who wouldn't be there for you are there for you in a heartbeat. So here's a drink, to one more life lesson learned. Also, I have come to terms that I am no longer going to be able to be helped with school and need to be more self sufficient. With this, My mother and I are not on good speaking terms, so just moving on day by day, one step at a time.

,,,,,,,

I try to say goodbye and I choke..try to walk away but I stumble.................